tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
