So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
