My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
