rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
