Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
