I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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