I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
