I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dick very happy bro
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
