i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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