got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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