I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
