I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
