I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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