WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
