We got so high we made milksteak
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
