so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize