i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
