you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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