hell yes lets make some ravioli
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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