And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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