My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
