so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Randomize
