Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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