paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
