I got chris browned last night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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