it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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