I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
