That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
