If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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