That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
