it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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