the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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