His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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