Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
