i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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