the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ugly people sure do ruin things
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
