I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
