don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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