If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
