i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
