You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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