Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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