I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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