How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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