Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so let's talk penis.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
