Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
