I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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