Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
