I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
