you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
