Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
