Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
