Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
