Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
