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Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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