i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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