I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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