did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
