some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
