did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
