I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
