That's when you crack a 10am beer
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize