Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
