She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
