I think I died a long time ago.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
