I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
