hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
