you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
