sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
