you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
